You’ve had enough.
Now you want to know how to get out of a toxic relationship. As survivors of child abuse, the family environment and the relationships we grew up with were often not just
dysfunctional but toxic What our family has called “love” has always been associated with a price that was relentless
norms and rules that we must follow to receive this “love”. We often grew up thinking that love is defined by conditions, damage and consequences. We have little knowledge about true or healthy love relationships.
As we grow and build relationships with friends and potential partners, we apply the familiar standards of our childhood, either because that’s all we know, or because that’s all we think we deserve.
Naturally, this often leads to a new victimization. As a survivor, it is important that we have the qualities of a
healthy relationship, how to enter and build healthy relationships, and how to end the toxic relationships we may have landed in.
How to get out of a toxic relationship
First, we must understand that not only do we not deserve to be abused, but we deserve to be treated with respect, compassion and kindness. If we are not firmly rooted in these beliefs, we can be , again, in a relationship that we are trying to leave.
Secondly, if you are not sure how to end the relationship, it is advisable to talk to a person close to you and develop a plan. What will you say? When and how are you going to talk to the person you want to separate from? What
do you do it if they take the bad news poorly?
Third, be aware that you are not responsible for each other’s feelings, while understanding why you are
quitting the relationship or the negative consequences that you may have when the relationship ends. If they are angry or hurt, they have to solve it for themselves. When you go, if they have to find a job or find a roommate or
a trip to work, it is their responsibility, not yours.
When the discussion concludes to end the relationship, focus on the facts, not the emotions. Say what you have to say, set your boundaries and get out of the situation. The drama and the long discussions will not benefit you.
Take a reliable person with you, if necessary.
Keep your boundaries after breaking up. If you hesitate, the person can see this as an invitation to return to the previous state that made you miserable in the first place.
Develop a safety plan when you leave a violent situation. The most dangerous moment for a victim ending a violent relationship is when they are about to leave and the period after that. Please do all that is necessary to ensure your own safety and that of your children.